What’s it even all about? Why do I do all the things I do? Is there even a point to it all?
Maybe there is just a bunch of good times, and if you are lucky, there are more good times than bad. If I think about it, there is. There are not many moments in recent years I can call bad.
I think it’s because I don’t do anything unless I want to. Sometimes I do stuff because they serve another goal. But if there are different ways to reach that goal, I chose the way that suites me best. Mostly, this makes me happy, and gives me good times.
Also I give friends a lot of time. Because friendship needs time. It’s just that I know too many people I would like to give all this time, and my time is limited…
Tonight was a good time. Party at Nanna’s place, and a lot of nice people there. I feel I absolutely made the right choice of where to be. Next weekend I might go to Stockholm. If nothing else comes up…
But in the end I am left with this empty feeling. I know I try to fill this void with the wrong thing. Or at least I try to get this wrong thing for the wrong reason. Because the void will not be filled. It will be forgotten. And forgetting is not a solution.
I have no idea of how to solve this riddle. Maybe forgetting until you die is a solution if it keeps you happy. But maybe it won’t if it is all a lie? How will you tell the lie from the truth if the lie feels more real than anything else you ever felt?
Maybe it will all be clear tomorrow. Another lie… Someone needs to simplify my world for me. This is too confusing.