Today I have been feeling miserable. Ok, maybe not miserable, but sad. And I have occupied my mind with finding the reason for this. And fighting the urge to look for the reason.
Because it is all so complicated. And if I convince myself of the wrong reason, I might get all hung up on that idea for a long time… This would not be good. This would make me miserable for years, potentially. I know this, because it has happened before. And I really don’t want this time to be one of those “All of this has happened before, and will happen again” kind of times.
There is a bunch of people involved in the reason to my confusion. Two of them are guys, and I am not sure which I am more hung up on. I am not sure if I am in love with either, or if I ever was. But I might have been. Or maybe I would have fallen in love with them if I had been given time.
I understand why it’s called to have a crush on someone, because it really can crush you!
But I don’t want it to this time. I want to keep my distance. I realize the complexity of the matter, and I don’t need that stuff right now. But I don’t need loneliness either, and that is why I keep getting myself confused.
It might be possible that I confuse confusion with depression. It’s bad feelings and I don’t like them.
But what am I supposed to do to remove all of these bad feelings? I have no idea, and that bugs the hell out of me! I want my tea drinking nights with Sara! *misses*