I wonder if I imagine feelings. I wonder if I look for something that wasn’t there to begin with.
But then there is all the evidence. Why would I spend so much time and energy on something if there was nothing there?
Why would getting ignored bug me so much if I didn’t care?
Did I keep my distance? No. There was never any distance, and I didn’t keep it.
But is it real? It has been so long. It feels like an eternity. I don’t remember enough. I have no clue.
I am afraid of the feelings, of what they might mean.
Is it all just an idea to explain why I am feeling like this, or am I feeling like this because of… well the feelings I try to deny I have?
This freaking thing is tearing me apart! I keep lying to myself because I’ve decided what is right.
Or maybe there just wasn’t time enough to say goodbye.