Since allhelgonhelgen is approaching, me and Micke went to the graveyards and lit some candles. I insisted that we bought one to keep at home too, because there are souls that needs remembering even though there is no grave we can visit to do so…

As always, the graveyard goes supernova this time of year. Almost every grave has at least one candle on it, and all the lights fill me with joy. Because this is a time to honor the dead, and every candle represents love and caring. It really fills me with love for mankind.

I recalled visiting the graveyard in my hometown with my grandmother. It was often misty, and all the candles emitted a spooky light through the mist. It was almost as if the spirits of the people before us had come to look at the candles…

But today there was also sadness in my heart. When I was little and went with my grandma to light candles, it was mostly a joyous occasion. Pretty lights and good people all around. I didn’t know then what it was to love someone and have to say goodbye. Now, the ones I miss most was not human, but that doesn’t make it any easier. They where people to me, as strange as that might sound. I have not yet lost a loved relative or anything like that, so I can’t possibly pretend to know what that is like, but I can’t imagine it being any harder than to lose what I have.

The first was a companion to me and my aunt. I didn’t have many (if any) friends in school, so Armid (nicknamed Arren) was the one to get to know all my secrets. He was a horse, and I talked to him so much, telling him everything that was in my heart. After getting to know a lot of other horses, I have come to appreaciate how kind he was too. You’ll have to search for a long while to find a horse that wise and kind! The thing that hurt me most was that noone told me when it was time to end his life. I knew it would happen, it was time. But I did not know when. And it didn’t feel like I got to say goodbye to him. Granted he was not mine, but he was my friend! I’ve thought a lot about him the last couple of days…

The second was Åzkar. My little baby that I didn’t believe I could live without. I still cry for him sometimes. Times heals no wounds, but it gives distraction and so life goes on somehow.

But. Lights of love fills the night, and we should be remember the good times and be happy that we got to have them! We should also remeber the loved ones we still have, and be happy about all the love we still can enjoy.

Love to all of you!

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