I don’t know what to feel about today. Most of it was really good. The things I was afraid of about the parking thing at JRK today… nothing of it happened! It was all cool when I arrived, and the sun was shining and everyone was happy and friendly. I got to stand in the wonderful sunshine waving cars around, and it was all fine.

But later I started thinking about all the stuff that goes on inside peoples heads. A lot of people say and do things that makes the surroundings believe they feel a certain way about stuff. But in reality these peoples feelings about stuff can be quite different. Hey, I do it too! But I THINK I do it alot less than some. I think I only do it when I think it is necessary. Maybe they just think it’s necessary alot more often than I do…

OK, that was cryptic. I’m sorry. But if I write what I’m actually talking about, that would be gossiping. And it would be painted by my feelings, and the people that would come off badly would not have a chance to explain themselves…

Anyways, this made me somewhat sad. Because I really wish some people would just come out and say what is obviously bothering them. Again, I don’t do that either. I really should live as I teach. Or maybe I should stop teaching…

And then I said something that I understand now was totally misunderstood. And it probably hurt someone. And I really didn’t mean for that to happen. People who know me knows I allmost allways mean well. I want everyone to be happy. But then I open my mouth, and people who don’t know me totally misunderstand!

And right there and then I was like a questionmark. I knew I had done something wrong, but I had no idea what. And I didn’t want to talk about it in the middle of a crowd of people that would probably misunderstand too.

When I got home I was all depressed and didn’t want to do anything. And I kept repeating everything in my head. Why doesn’t it ever stop? And when I think about it… why was I depressed? I didn’t even have a real reason! I blame it all on hormones. But that gets me down too, ’cause that means it’s going to keep happening every month… Bleh!

Enough of self pity. Off to spend time with wonderful BF!

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